Let’s skip the dating example to avoid getting into the complications of love.
Let’s say you start a new business with a partner. Over the period of the next 6 to 8 months both of you increase your commitment.
To the level that this partnership has now become constant in your life.
You both depend on this partnership and the business.
What happens when you discover little things that you don’t like about your partner?
Especially because of how it impacts the business?
You try to change things so that they don’t end of undermining the entire business?
Essentially you try to alter who they are.
They start hating you for trying to change them!
For a moment now let’s switch to the romantic example.
The arc is exactly the same… For romantic relationship or any other that two or more people in need and practically depend upon
You keep flipping partners until you get so committed with one that it becomes a ‘constant’
Now since you can’t replace them, you try to replace little things in them that you don’t like.
Because you’re not comfortable handling something that doesn’t feel right to you.
Nothings wrong with them… Except the things that don’t feel right to you.
So you try to make it right.
And they probably do the same to you.
Making the combined life sweet living miserable hell!
Keep your boundaries. Sure!
But if you have to fight about how his socks never matches his trousers and then you’re just trying to turn them to be more like you.
And god forbid, if you succeed, you’ll start to hate yourself as well for you’ve yourself changed everything you liked about them!
Coz ofcourse you wouldn’t want to date or partner up with your clone who would think exactly like you.
So what’s the solution to this incestuous problem?
- First: filter and chose the right people!
- Next: Commit but don’t make anyone a permanent constant in your life. Needing somebody so much gives them too much undue leverage. For you it’s too much pressure to handle.
- Finally, unless something violates your boundaries let them fucking be! If you’re always trying to change things about them then you’re not making things better or improving them you are just making things right as per you. Grow the fuck up and learn to handle your emotions if things don’t exactly pan out like you plan!
Don’t Try To Change People. It’s Futile! Instead, Just Choose The Right People!